there are two types of "rewards" in creativity:

- the internal
- the external

internal: you personal satisfaction with the project. essentially confirming your trust [in the work] to be valid.

external: other's satisfaction with the project.

external rewards tend to be more superficial and shallow, while internal rewards are extremely personal and intimate.

the external and the internal are not dependent on each other— one being positive does not mean the other will be as well, and clearly great satisfaction is felt when both are positive.

yet i would argue the greatest reward is having a positive internal while being completely indifferent to any form of external.

I always put too much sriracha in my pho.



it's a problem i'm working on.

not bad. now the waiting begins... oh, and the second guessing.

stay tuned.

terribly

8am - 2pm: rough one
2pm - 6pm: kind of rough
6pm - 9pm: rough enough
9pm - now: not bad

new banner; completely devoid of color.

film set on Wednesday. black and white, 200w bulbs, no posing just a simple documentary with a twist.

how will my focus be after six months of digital? my exposure? my eye?

until Wednesday it will be nothing but worry;
after it will be nothing but doubt;
followed by nothing but second-guessing;
with the end being failure or acceptance.

such is the life of an achiever. the repetitious, hourly worry.

side note: acceptance lasts about three hours. it's a three hour high, for sure, if only that. what we go through for three hours of acceptance is almost absurd to the normal being. but once you feel the energy of those three hours, to hell you'd go for it too.

fedEx worker: "you have two options: ground or air"
lady: "what's the difference?"
fedex worker: "one uses a truck, the other an airpl.."
lady: "..no, what's the difference in price??"

i laughed out loud, right there in line.

is it wrong to side with the fedex worker and always assume ignorance? lately i would argue no

the fall: <www.apple.com>

my view: undecided. [it] is completely over the top, at times almost mocking itself. but it's so beautiful you want to take it seriously, you want to believe the story being told.

it's an art movie; pretty to be pretty— vain to be vain.

i thought people would walk out of the theater, but they didn't. most people stayed until the end of the credits, voicing mixed reviews while the 28 countries it was filmed in passed on the screen.

the projector bulb was annoyingly old— images were dark, whites were gray and colors were muted. i'm excited to see this on dvd so i can go back and see the intended colors. I have a feeling they might be the true soul of the picture.

and that's worth saving.

i so want to grease lenses now. i love how the light spills all over.

thank you.

dan cortese — the great mtv personality of the 90's?

nope: the greatest

it's two minutes to midnight and i wanted to get a post in.

peace.

if time is the most precious of things, then wasting it should be a sin.

yes it's monday and yes i'm sleeping in and yes i love it.

but no, no i'm not unique in this privilege; I'm not the only one with immunity from this monday morning...

sleeping in just isn't as good unless you're the only one who doesn't have to go to work.

i think I like jQuery

my right eye is tearing up from the pain in my head behind it. i think i need some rest, but then again who really sleeps anymore?

set the controls for the heart of the sun.

I thought it'd be higher than that.


my newest gta past time: jumping off the empire state building

something deep inside of me wants to say something clever and funny, yet reflective and genius. my index fingers lay at rest on the F and j, potential energy pulsing, all queued up waiting for the sign to start tap-tap-tapping.

but nothing comes.

nothing mighty,
nor swift.


maybe next time.

stressed

guess what this is: A spoiler!!!

also: you [yes you] can now post comments that include flickr images as well as spoilers. i'm trying to get you all to comment, help me out.

fine, don't.

why 'eye meat'? because it's better (and not as cliche) as 'eye candy'.

new cell phone coming in the mail today. $0.00 was charged to my credit card; lucky me. let me tell you how riveted i am.

i need to use the word 'riveted' more often.


riveted.

other phrases i probably need to use more:
- "as it were"
- "sauté of unborn octopus"
- "quite literally"

now let's be good little children and use it all in a sentence:
"the sauté of unborn octopus was quite literally riveting, as it were."

boop

it's supposed to rain on friday and saturday.


gross.

(good thing we know now, since it's, you know, monday)

i have a lot of ideas for c.t.r., but how much is too much? when does a site get away from its roots and start to gravitate towards the awkward?

simplicity is my base, but "flippin' sweet" is my goal. how well i balance the two might prove my worth.



ever wonder where my title image came from?

wonder no more: